Help is on the Way

When we began listening to the songs we had each selected for this summer’s Elevate playlist, we didn’t hear just our usual upbeat, positive, “move you forward” kind of songs that have primarily filled our last two Elevate playlists.  Instead, we heard hurt, anger, and frustration, and we knew that we needed to create a third playlist this year, songs of ReSIStance (because while we are angry, we love a good pun). 

Help Is On The Way stayed on the Elevate playlist because, in many ways, it meets our definition of Elevate: Tune in, rise up, and make messy shit through creativity, reflection, and intentional action.  Embrace possibility and move forward with purpose.  However, in these increasingly difficult, Lake of America times, I am regularly reminded that help in all forms - giving help to others, receiving help, and, most definitely, allowing ourselves to help ourselves - is a form of resistance. 

As women, though, I think it’s paramount to clear up what we mean by helping others.  As society has groomed us to be caregivers and as many of us are in the sandwich generation, it can be so easy to only help others.  This toxic form of helping others can feel inauthentic and lead to resentment and burnout.  It prevents us from taking care of ourselves along the way and tells us to put others first.  This is not the form of helping others that this song is about.  

I saw that all of us are here in it

And I forgot for just one minute

About tryna help myself  

This song is about community and, if you’ve been paying attention to the BRAs even just a little bit, you know that community is our biggest value.  If you don’t know our story, I’d love to briefly share how the BRAs came to be.  A reminder, BRAs stands for Building Resilience and Accountability.  To take a line from the song, Meg, Eileen, and I were each deep “here in it” trying to navigate solopreneur growth struggles.  We started simply by co-working together just so we could have another person hear us say, “this is difficult” or “I wonder about.” This technique is called body doubling, but that reminds me of John Travolta switching faces with Nick Cage, so I usually opt for a long winded explanation instead.  We were building resiliency by having someone listen empathetically, without having all the answers for us.  Community requires truly listening to one another and hearing what they need.  Resiliency is built in healthy communities. 

We then started to realize that we could harness this little community of three to help us hold ourselves accountable to personal business goals.  Now we had someone to hear our dreams out loud when we said things like, “I want to sign 3 clients in the next 3 months” or “I’m going to have a website by the end of the quarter.”  And this community would gently nudge us when we lost sight of our goals or to celebrate with us, even our smallest wins. We were lovingly holding one another accountable to our dreams that we hadn’t even dared to breathe into the world before.  Community requires us to expect the best from each other, to hold ourselves accountable to ourselves and one another.  Community also requires us to give each other grace and remember that we are each as human as the next person.  Healthy communities grow loving accountability. 

I had a delightful networking call this week with another coach.  She does really interesting and unique work and I was fascinated by her story.  When I told her about the BRAs, she loved the idea of starting her own BRAs group with other coaches and solopreneur friends for this very reason.  Life can be lonely, work - whether you are a solopreneur or work in a huge company - can be difficult, growth can be challenging, staying resilient and accountable is tough work.  What if we do it together?  

For Meg’s birthday this year, we gave her a mug that says Community is Resistance.  If you are like us three BRAs, the world seems to get more and more challenging every time we turn on the news.  The recent losses of some of my favorite icons, Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, and Gloria Steinem, have momentarily dimmed my lights.  But, the beauty of celebrating someone’s life is revisiting what they truly stood for and the lives that they touched.  Each of these behemoths used their spotlights for good and beauty by standing with and helping marginalized communities.  They showed us what it means to walk the walk (Dolly and Tim in 6” heels, Gloria in very sensible flats) and talk the talk through music, books, theater, and advocacy.  Each, in their own unique way, used their privilege to help somebody else.  

But privilege can be tricky.  I’m not an international celebrity with international celebrity money.  And yet, I have so much privilege.  My 17-year-old son is constantly - and rightfully so - baffled by the inequities in our world.  It’s one of my favorite gifts he has, the ability to cut through BS and see where justice is missing.  In the last two years, we’ve had more conversations than I can count about how to make a difference in the world.  How do we use the middle-America size privilege that we have to make changes?  When it seems like the powerful people are constantly changing the game and stacking the dice against those in the most need of support, what can be done?  Community.  For as long as I’m breathing, my answer will be community. 

Come together.  Listen to each other.  Give AND receive generously.  Take time for yourself.  Build resiliency.  Be accountable to one another.  Love widely. Grow in community.  Help is on the way.