Pink Pony Club

Unlike the first article I wrote for this series (Awake My Soul), which required me to slow the already slow paced song down and dissect it word by word, Pink Pony Club has basically been playing on repeat in my head since the moment I first heard it.  

At its heart, this song is about finding the place where you belong – or, as my family calls it, finding your people. I grew up with a perfectly loving and lovely family in a perfectly lovely town, yet I rarely felt like I fit in or had found my people.  In middle school, I began taking ballet lessons downtown Chicago. This meant I got to take a city bus from the burbs to the center of the city, where my dad would meet me and drive me the few blocks to the Fine Arts building to the ballet school.  Before and after meeting with my dad, I had moments to explore and roam.  At the ballet school, I got to meet people from all parts of the city and suburbs, including adult ballet company members who were way more interesting than the adults I grew up around.  I was finding my people. 

We all have those places and people where we feel like we can be ourselves.  Once in those spaces, places, situations, and conversations when we are truly alive, the world feels expansive and easy to navigate.  But what about those times and spaces when we are metaphorically in Tennessee but dreaming of Santa Monica?  What is keeping us in that space?  Sometimes, what’s keeping us stuck is a place, a person, a real gravity problem (such as finances or physical ability), it may look like obligation or scarcity.  But so often – to paraphrase another singer  it’s us, we’re the problem.  We are holding ourselves in place because of fear, doubt, being overwhelmed, not wanting to ask for help, not knowing another option – you name it, our minds can churn and churn to keep us in place. 

Throughout my life and career, I have had ebbs and flows of finding my place and my people.  Fitting in, feeling valued, having my voice heard (or not heard), being understood (or not understood) – it’s not just a “nice to have”, it’s central to who we humans are (don’t believe me?  It’s literally the center of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs!).  When we work against this, by keeping ourselves stuck, we deny ourselves this basic need.  The irony is that when we find our place and our people, the other pieces start to fit into place – and the world becomes your playground!  

The Need for Play

While the work Megan, Eileen, and I do individually is unique to each of us, there are several themes that overlap, and one of those themes is PLAY.  I’ve been enjoying Amy Poehler’s new podcast, Good Hang, where she interviews other people in her business, so far, all of whom are also dear friends of hers.  Guests regularly talk about how they have the best jobs in the world, because they are paid to play.  How many of us would say the same about our work?  Play keeps us active, engaged, creative and flowing and yet, it’s usually the last thing we think of when we are stressed and overwhelmed.  What do I mean by play, should we all be heading to swings during lunch?  Maybe, but maybe first, it’s defining what is play to you.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love to tackle a theme by asking myself:

• What does this word mean to me (not to Webster)?

• What does this word NOT mean to me (not to thesaurus.com)?

• Where do I currently exhibit this in my life (not where do I see it in other people’s lives)?

• Where do I want more of it in my life (realistically speaking, how can I implement something NOW)?

For me, play is silliness, creativity, ease, mind wandering time (note: that’s not scrolling time).  Play is not endless structure, stifling, or uniform.  Where do I currently have play in my life: I struggle to incorporate it daily but I find play in long intentional walks, swimming in the lake, in playing games, hanging out with friends, doodling, playing with playdough and cooking (sometimes).  I also find play when I’m in flow with a client, when I’m writing these articles, listening to music for this playlist, when I’m organizing something and even, sometimes, when doing a tricky spreadsheet project.  A reminder that play looks different for everyone, can happen anywhere, with anything, or anyone.  It doesn’t need to cost hundreds of dollars nor does it need a set time on your calendar (although, putting it on your calendar can help you get out of autopilot mode and into playtime).

The easiest playtime I take part in is lunch time mini-dance breaks.  I ask our home robot of choice to play Whitney Houston, Cindi Lauper, Cher, some Broadway showtune, or Pink Pony Club (obviously) and just all out dance in our kitchen.  It’s the very definition of dance like no one is watching, it’s playful, and it brings me JOY.    

JOY

So many of my clients come to coaching looking for joy – in work or in life.  But what is joy?  Is it the same thing as happiness?  I’ve had clients tell me that happiness has become corporatized, that happiness is a feeling but joy is a state of being, that the two are one in the same, that the two are different yet both seem elusive.  Ultimately, joy – and happiness – are deeply personal.  But one of my favorite things I heard from a client recently is that joy is intrinsically tied to purpose, you can’t have one without the other. You know how much I love to talk about purpose so this was fun to think about, both during and after the client’s session.  

Joy + Purpose

If joy and purpose are intrinsically tied together, when you have a lot of one, do you have a lot of the other?  If joy feels fleeting, does that mean your purpose is fleeting?  I often have clients write 100 things that bring them joy.  They’ll start with big things like traveling and or completing a big work project.  But, to get to 100, they eventually get smaller with things like chocolate, a child’s laugh, the sunrise, or an inspired meal.  These moments give us joy, but then, just as quickly as they come, they are done (the sun does only rise once a day, after all).  Purpose, on the other hand, is part of every day, every action, every decision we make – it is the opposite of fleeting.  It is grounding and part of our core. 

What if we’ve set the bar too high for joy?  What if we’re so busy moving quickly from one thing to the next that we miss the joy that’s right in front of us.  Maybe we’re too busy comparing ourselves with others – in real life or on social media or TV – expecting joy to look like someone else’s manufactured and splashy joy.  Joy has that expectation, doesn’t it – like a marching band with confetti cannons will announce J! O! Y!  But joy is actually much more readily available, and maybe even more beautifully found, in the everyday.  Back to the examples on my client’s 100 lists, an amazing sunrise – let’s face it, even a mediocre sunrise – is pretty amazing.  What opens for us when we stop to notice the small pieces of joy in our everyday lives, instead of waiting for the big J!O!Y! moments?

The Intersection of Purpose, Play and Joy 

I thank my wicked dreams, a year from Tennessee

Oh, Santa Monica, you’ve been too good to me

I do thank my “wicked dreams” – those people, places, and inner conversations that pushed me to leave my metaphorical Tennessee and find my Santa Monica.  Those times throughout life that have felt like huge scary steps, that have led to play, joy, purpose and ultimately allow me to be “on the stage in my heels, it’s where I belong.”   

At the beginning of this article, I said this song is about finding your people.  When I think of some of “my people” – those who uplift and support me (like a good bra ;), I am filled with joy.  This specific song has led to numerous spontaneous and playful karaoke style mini concerts of Megan, Eileen, and I breaking out into song on Zoom, at the community center where we sometimes meet, and via memes on our WhatsApp thread.  One thing leads to another and the next thing you know, pens become microphones and we’re singing loudly (and probably off key) without a care in the world, nor recognition of those who can see and hear us (especially when we are in the community center shared space).  While I sadly (luckily?) don’t have a video of us, here are a few of our favorite Pink Pony Club videos on AGT, the viral Pink Pony Club Grandpa, and, of course, the Midwest Princess herself. 

Find your people.  Make your joy.  Practice play.  Keep dancing at your Pink Pony Club.

Journal Prompts:

1. Where is your Pink Pony Club and who are your people? 

2. How can you incorporate more Play into your life?

3. How are Joy and Purpose linked for you?