Thank You (falettinme be mice elf agin) & Sly & The Family Stone

This is the last song in the 2025 Unplug & Elevate playlist, and it embraces a core value that we BRA’s share. By now maybe you can name it. Both Eileen and Charlotte have written about it in their reflections on Break My Stride or Pink Pony Club. I’d name that value as finding a place for your authentic self. The three of us have spent the last two summers blogging about how finding the right song, that expresses just the right volume of sentiment, at the right time has led us to getting closer to finding our authentic selves, our people, and ultimately a little closer to fine. Which is how “Thank you for letting me be myself again” ended up as our final song this summer.

Right now, I find the funky groove and chorus of Sly & the Family Stone's 'Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)' an interesting place to reflect on the loneliness epidemic and how many folks don’t feel like they can be themselves. For me, I see this when I encounter the theme of empowering female friendships in the media right now. In previous parts of my life I would see or hear about that and become jealous, bitter or irritated. I recognize that now as my own jealousy and loneliness. Now when I hear about empowering female relationships, I think ‘right on’ and proud that somehow, I get to be part of some incredible friendships that let me be my full self.

For me, discovering my people, place, and chosen family hasn’t ever come easy. I am far more comfortable as a social nomad. Then “don’t you forget about me” pops on the radio and I recall that the Breakfast Club taught me that I’m probably not the only one who feels isolated.

Yet my social imposter syndrome gets loud when I get a glimmer of finding “my” community- it’s accompanied with a parade of excitement and a “Phew! Finally.” Then a shadow of worry and insecurity creeps in to sweep up the confetti, and mumbles “don’t screw it up, try to be cool.” The part of my brain that likes to over think these things, goes “Oh this is how the loneliness epidemic works.” Loneliness can be a combination of fear of not fitting in, social anxiety, or losing the nerve to keep trying to connect with others.

I don’t think my relationship to loneliness is special. I’m not alone in this. As I have aged I realize that loneliness may ebb and flow in my life, clinically I know that isolation is dangerous.

Researchers continue to point out how dangerous loneliness is for humans. The anthropology minor in me wants to point out that we as humans are pack animals, we are designed to thrive in community. May 2023 , the United States surgeon general, issued an official advisory, “warning that isolation can be just as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and poses a greater risk to longevity than being sedentary or obese.” Often when I’m assessing folks for depression, I listen to hear how many times they mention or describe social isolation.

I heard an archived interview with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, yes that Dr. Ruth, and her time as New York’s Loneliness Ambassador at 95. In the interview she discussed finding her childhood journals during Covid lockdown. There she documented the loneliness she felt as a child and young adult when her mother and grandmother placed her on a train to Switzerland to seek refuge from the Nazis. She grew up in a community of 150 others, her journal became a place to share her feelings of never being known or seen deeply the way one's family could. “Reading the diary now, Dr. Westheimer recognized the parallels between human sexual problems and struggles with loneliness. No one wants to admit to having trouble with intimacy, and no one wants to admit to not having enough friends.” She goes on to say that our shame around being isolated and intimacy often keeps folks from asking for help.

I’m a person who has found the hallways of high school and the crowded lecture halls of college to be some of the loneliest places. The poetry of feeling isolated in a mass of people hasn’t ever escaped me. It’s that moment of longing, hoping that maybe “this tribe, this place, this idea” will be the one where I find my “thing.” Often it was just another effort where I go home knowing that I struck out again. The emotional hangover of being alone in a crowd could be an invitation into a spiral of depression at certain points in my life.

It has taken time, more solid relationships, and a better sense of who I am, to be able to bounce back from awkward social encounters. Part of addressing that meant I needed to have right sized expectations for events and to work around my allergy to appearing needy. Not every place is going to let me be myself, and it’s not safe to be all of myself everywhere I go. It also means that when I do have the space and place to be myself, to really savor those moments.

This is where Sly & the Family Stone's 'Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)' resonates deeply. It’s a bold declaration of personal freedom and authentic self-expression, a vibe I didn’t always feel I could embody in those crowded spaces. The song’s message wasn’t just about individuality—it was about finding peace in being exactly who you are, something that can feel challenging when loneliness tries to creep in.

I can’t tell anyone how to find themselves or their tribe. I think I can say that our sense of social safety is linked to a net of relationships that are made up of tiers of friendships that will expand and contract throughout life. There isn’t an insurance policy against loneliness and friendship researcher Dr. Janice McCabe discusses the importance of nurturing the friendships we already have, “maybe it’s a meme you send, or better a phone call. It seems kind of funny to do that, because we often think about scheduling as tasks or work,” says McCabe. “But it’s easy, especially as an adult, to lose track of making time for a phone call.” This is a reminder to me of an adage from Fierce Conversations “the conversation is the relationship” to be talking to the people who are important to me, rather than continually delaying making that call.

I will admit that while I’m not the greatest at scheduling time for calls, I am the beneficiary of friends who make sure we gather the first of every month, or a Sunday evening call every couple of weeks. My best relationships seem to grow out of others making intentional efforts; the Saturday run, the Monday morning walk, the fantasy football league made up of cousins I wouldn’t be talking to otherwise. The calendar that reminds me to pay my bills, also reminds me to try to be consistent in relationships too.

It’s the authenticity that Sly & the Family Stone captured in ‘Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)’ that speaks directly to the heart of what it means to finally stop masking parts of who we are. In a world that often isolates people, finding a space—whether it’s through friendship or music—that allows us to truly be ourselves, becomes a revolutionary act. The song reminds us that no matter the obstacles or fears, we have the right to embrace our full selves, and in doing so, find our real place in this world.

Works Cited

McCullough, D. (2023, November 9). Dr. Ruth Loneliness Ambassador. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/09/nyregion/dr-ruth-loneliness-ambassador.html?searchResultPosition=4

McCullough, D. (2024, August 27). Dr. Ruth Lessons the Joy of Connections. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/27/well/dr-ruth-lessons-the-joy-of-connections.html?searchResultPosition=1

Brooks, D. (2023, April 30). Loneliness Epidemic In America. The New York Times – Opinion. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/30/opinion/loneliness-epidemic-america.html

Oaklander, M. (2018, February 15). How to Make Friends as an Adult — and Why It’s Important. TIME. Retrieved from https://time.com/5159867/adult-friendships-loneliness/